Part 2: It is Caught, Not Just Taught

One of the important things is that we don’t just tell a child to do something and then they look at us and see that we are doing the very thing we just told them not to do. Our children hear what we say and see what we do, and if those things don’t line up, they notice it.

As Christian parents, we often find ourselves riding with our emotions when we are stressed by a chaotic household—with kids running around, doing multiple things, and stretching our patience. It is exactly in these moments when we need to focus on our own walk with God. What would the Holy Spirit want us to do in this situation?

When we are frustrated with our children, we are often at our worst. We act out in ways that we shouldn’t. It is hard to be patient forever, and sometimes that last straw leads to a fountain of anger being displayed for all the children to see. What does Mama look like when she throws a fit? This bountiful release of emotions is often what the children catch more than what we are trying to teach them.

Our children are watching us, and they take note of everything we do and say. They study us. We need to examine our own lives and look at the stick in our own eye before we try to remove the stick from our children’s eyes. 

We are supposed to love everyone, but we become a Karen, and that’s not loving. That’s what they see. If they see us worrying about bills and how we’re going to pay them, that’s what they learn — that they should be anxious over things that have not yet happened.

And if we tell them that the Bible is the most important book in the world, but they see us scrolling our phones all day, they think that perhaps the phone is the most important thing because that’s what they see us paying attention to.

They should see us doing the things that we are preaching to them. Actually love your neighbor. Do whatever it takes to show them love and show them how they can give of themselves to their neighbors.

Do not worry about things when you should show them how to put their trust in God and lay their worries at the feet of the cross. Put your phone down, especially at meal times, because they are more important than scrolling on your phone.

Reach for God. Bless your food and be thankful for the food, for them, and for your neighbors.

Raising children doesn’t mean that we have to be perfect. We are all imperfect beings, and we all lose it at times after our children have tested our patience multiple times and we have finally had enough.

But if we do something to them that we should not have done, and if we have acted out in anger when we should have been more merciful, then we should ask them for forgiveness. This, of course, means that your children actually have to be old enough to process that.

I really don’t believe in gentle parenting. I have not seen good results from this practice. What I have seen is spoiled brats come out of this practice.

I’m not telling you to beat your children, but the Bible says, “Spare the rod and spoil the child,” and I believe that is what we have in today’s society — spoiled, ungrateful children.

That is what you need to guard against: having ungrateful children.

Today’s reflection: the living curriculum

As we go about our day doing the chores that we have to do, take a look at the rhythm of your life. Remember that our children are always looking at what we do. They are watching how we deal with them when they’re being difficult and we have had enough, and how we handle exhaustion.

Our children look at how we handle life in general. They will look at our spiritual life and emulate what they see.

Do we do morning devotions? Do we pray at meals? Do we sing praises to Him? Do we have a nighttime routine that glorifies God and asks Him for protection while we sleep?

This is not meant to make you feel guilty or to accuse you of doing anything wrong. God never meant for us to be perfect parents, but He does mean for us to be the most authentic, godly people that we can be.

Today’s Reflection: Three Ways to Stay Rooted

So when we are going about our busy day, let’s look at three ways that we can stay rooted and grounded in Christ.

First of all, it’s super important that we take the first part of our morning, before the children wake up, because we all know that once they wake up, that’s it for quietness in the day. So we have to seize that time of the day and spend it with God.

Morning devotions are important. We have to use that time to ground ourselves in the Word. After we’ve read the Word, then take some time to do some prayer, some warring in the Spirit.

And then the third way, of course, is to take a breath before we react to what the children are doing throughout the day.

Psalms 5: 3 NIV

“ In the morning, lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my request before you and wait expectantly.”

Joshua 1:8 

“Keep this book of the law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night…then you will be prosperous and successful.” 

1 Thessalonians 5:16 – 18 

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances…”

James 1:19-20 

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” 

Galatians 5:22-23 

“The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” 

Deuteronomy 6: 6-7 

“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your heart. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

A practice to try today: Let them catch you.

So instead of doing all your God time behind closed doors, today let’s let the children catch you living out your Christianity in your day-to-day life.

Before you react to whatever your children are doing that is stressing you out, stop and tell them, “I am going to pray right now that God would give me extra patience to deal with this.”

Then, of course, go ahead and pray.

Let them catch you reading your Bible at the kitchen table. Let them catch you praying at the sink. Let them catch you praying for people who have had a wreck as you’re driving by.

Live out your spiritual life in front of them.

Rooted in Truth: Planting Seeds in the Chaos

Sometimes when we are going through our chaotic lives, it seems like we’re just throwing the seeds out and nothing is happening. Sometimes you wonder if these children are ever going to catch anything that we’re doing.

However, often we don’t see it until years later. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes we are surprised when they are at someone’s house, at church, or at school, and they actually do something that we have been planting in them. And it is joyfully surprising.

Spiritual growth happens even in the middle of chaos.

Every time you don’t lose your cool when the kids are screaming at the top of their lungs and tearing up everything in the house, and you say a little prayer in front of them for patience, then try your hardest to be as patient as possible and perhaps give them a timeout — that’s what they will remember.

Right now, when they see that you are so mad you feel like you could lose it, and instead you react with restrained love, they will remember your restraint.

Years later, you can all sit around the living room, reminisce, and laugh about how your oldest son tore down the ceiling fan by swinging from it. You came running into their room, your face turned red, and you lost it screaming about how you brought them into this world and you could take them out… LOL.

Yet they all survived.

1 Corinthians 3:6–7

“I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.”

Galatians 6:9

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

Years from now, your children will probably not remember every rule that you had, but they will remember the atmosphere that they grew up in.

They will remember where you lost it and where you got yourself together, prayed to God, and came back with an apology and a just sentence.

So, in the middle of the chaos, you have to remember that you’re planting seeds.

Remember, you’re not just correcting their behavior; you’re planting seeds every time you don’t scream at them and instead whisper a prayer, then come back as a more restrained person.

That plants the seed of truth that will give you the lifelong harvest that you so desire.

Simple Ways to Root Your Day:

Anchor your mind in truth: Choose a single scripture verse to carry in your heart today, focusing on it whenever the daily noise starts to build.

Anchor your breath in prayer: Turn the tiny, quiet pauses in your routine—like waiting in the school pickup line or tidying up—into quick moments of connection with God.

Anchor your reactions in grace: Choose a patient, calm response when things go wrong to show your kids that Christ is your steady foundation when the day gets messy.

A Prayer for the Daily Walk

Lord,

Thank You for my precious children that You have given to me to raise. Help me to get through each day, remembering that You are walking with me every step of the way.

Help me be the person that I want my children to be. Help me to remember that You are always with me and that I don’t have to do this alone.

Thank You for giving me the grace that I need to walk through this life and show Your love through my life to my children.

Amen.